Best Funny Quotes 2020

Enjoy reading and sharing below Best Funny Quotes :-p

 

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.

By President Merkin Muffley

 

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way

 

when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

By Jack Handey

 

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

By Rita Rudner

 

Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.

By Phil Connors

 

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

By Phyllis Diller

 

I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.

By Mitch Hedberg

I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.

By Mitch Hedberg

My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.

By Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

By Will Ferrell

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.

By Mark Twain

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

By Erma Bombeck

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.

By Anonymous

Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.

By Ellen DeGeneres

Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

By Pete (Paul Rudd)

I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.

By Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons)

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

By Dowager Countess Violet Crawley